In normal cases, the ultimate response to someone cheating on you should be to entirely eradicate them out of your life, but in regard to love, our hearts do not follow our mind. We often find it hard to eradicate the one who cheated on us, even for obvious reasons. So, what to do when you find out your spouse cheats on you? Here are do’s and don’ts if he cheats on you – collected by WikiYeah.com!
I. 7 Things To Do If You Find Out He Cheats On You
There are some things you could do – healthy, productive things – when you find out your boyfriend or spouse has cheated on you in the unpredictable way. Check out 7 things to do when you find out he cheats on you.
1. Decide Whether Your Relationship Is Worth Saving Or Not
In order to decide whether you should stay with your partner or not, it may take some time after you process what have happened. An advice about how to figure out the answer for that question is to be honest with yourself about what kind of man he is and what kind of betrayal he is involved. If it seems like one-shot deal, then you can give him a second chance. But, if he has done that betrayal before or he does not feel any bit of sorry, then think hard before deciding.
MORE: 7 things you only understand after being cheated on
2. Talk
If you decide to deal with your partner’s betrayal by working things out with him, then you need to talk it out. This is one of the most recommended things to do if he cheats on you. You can talk about what his feelings were, what happened and why. Despite this step might make you feel painful, it is very important for you to talk it out with him. Likewise, your spouse also needs to hear what you want to say about his infidelity.
3. Take A Break
This seems like it can do more harm than good, but even a short break with your cheating partner after he has betrayed you could help you rethink and guide you on what the next steps to do are. When there is no hurt and distraction coming with talking to your partner, you could start work up with a clearer head.
MORE: Useful tips on taking a break in a relationship the right way
4. Get Advice From Couple Counseling
Another thing to do if he cheats on you is to get professional advice from couple counseling. You may not want it but sometimes, the only way to communicate with your cheating partner effectively is getting a professional third party involved. If not, your discussion will become a terrible fight where nothing can be handled. Because there is another party involved in the discussion, there might be more success in fighting fairly. Your couple can also communicate in a healthy way about the problem and how to fix it.
5. Find The Root Of The Issue
Every relationship problem has its root. Through weeks or months of intense discussions where you really listen to each other about how you feel along the way, you will understand the root reason why he cheated on you. Perhaps, he was furious with you about something else but did not want to express himself by frankly talk to you, so he acted instead. Once you get to the root of the matter, you could know what to do to avoid it in the future.
6. Let It Go And Move On
After finding out a man cheats on you, you had better let it go and move on. Embrace a renewed, improved relationship which is more profound, fulfilling and honest than the previous, be it with your old partner or with a new none. You could deal with your partner again or if not, you could get out of this relationship and move on. If possible, let him earn your trust back. After you two have done the work of fixing your relationship, you have had a better understanding of each other and a deeper connection as well as commitment to one another. In turn, that will strengthen your relationship.
7. Break It Off If You Cannot Get Past That Affair
It is not worth your time as well as your effort if after asking yourself whether or not this will be a life sentence for your cheating partner. Could you forgive and heal from this affair? If not, stop living in anger or being with someone who makes you painful.
II. 6 Things Not To Do If You Find Out He Cheats On You
1. Go Investigating About His Affair
When it comes to things not to do after you find out he is cheating on you, maybe the first step you often think of is to investigate about the signs he is sleeping with someone or having an affair, right? However, this is one of the things not to do that relationship experts recommend. Besides being heart-broken and angry, you still need to make sure about his affair by seeing it with your own eyes. But, avoid doing it once you are sure about it because that just makes you feel worse.
MORE: 10 steps to save your marriage after infidelity
2. Meet Her
At first, this advice seems not too bad because talking to this other woman might make you feel better as you might have built up a false picture of her which is intimidating you. However, concurrently, meeting the woman that your partner cheated with seems like a terrible thing waiting to occur.
Keep in mind that everything you say and do will likely be replayed to your partner. Therefore, do not do anything like getting aggressive that can invite retaliation.
3. Blame The Woman He Is Cheating On You With
One of things not to if he cheats on you is to blame your relationship issue on the other woman. You will just waste your energy and time if you blame her for what occurred as it was not her who you really trusted, but the man you loved so much who was obliged to stay committed and loyal in the past. No one can take the responsibility for his affair apart from him.
If he was loyal enough, he would never have a thought of cheating on you with another woman. Remember that, no woman “really” traps a man if he does not allow her to do so. Both people involved are in it voluntarily so it occurred as he wanted it and allowed it to happen without thinking about you. It will be cruel to blame the woman for “seducing” your man.
4. Try To Keep Him By Changing Yourself
After you find out he is cheating on you, I bet that most of you will go circling around your inability of keeping him around. However, in fact, there is no so-called thing. Every relationship has hard times and they should be dealt by two partners in the relationship. Do not try to work on just yourself with the effort of getting him back. Move on with your own life. Do not dig deeper into the ditch that has no end. Keep in mind that the facts are very simple: he cheated on you as he is a cheater and it had nothing to do with what you did. A cheater is responsible for his actions. You do not force or make him do anything. Thus, do not feel you are responsible and also do not allow him to make you feel that way.
5. Bring Up The Affair To “Win” Unrelated Arguments
According to a relationship expert has pointed out, “The fact that he cheated on you does not give you the special right to beat him up infinitely or bring his infidelity out as your advantage every time you have an argument with him. Let it go if you want to move on.
6. Rush The Healing Process
The betrayal of your partner can hurt in the same way for the same reasons for a significant amount of time. Thus, be patient with yourself when it comes to healing. Let your partner acknowledge that they also need to be patient with you. It is very important for the one who caused an affair to understand that their partner is devastated and it is hard to put things back altogether.
