Scared of relationships – 10 biggest reasons (signs)

Not every relationship is successful, the truth is. And, after each failed relationship, we ask ourselves: why do relationships fail? That question lingers heavily in the back of our mind. The answers are various. Whether we acknowledge it or not, the majority of us are afraid of being in love. The fears that people manifest are shown in different ways, at different stages of the relationship, but in general, they harbor defenses at some level to help protect them from getting hurt. The reality that people feel scared of relationships is the result of many reasons, but what are the most common reasons? In this article on, we will name 12 out of the most common reasons (signs) that will tell you that you are scared of relationships or are afraid of being in a relationship with someone other than yourself. Also, we help you get rid of some of those fears in a healthy way. Let’s start!

Scared Of Relationships – 10 Most Common Reasons (Signs)

Scared of relationships

1. Real Love Is Vulnerable

Believe it or not, real love will make us vulnerable. A new relationship is uncharted territory. Most people have natural fears of something unknown. By letting ourselves fall in love with someone, we take the real risk – at least when it comes to trust. We place a huge amount of trust in a certain person; let them to influence us, making us feel vulnerable and exposed. The core defenses inside us are challenged. The habits we used to have that let us feel self-contained begin to be alternated by the others.

2. New Love May Stir Up The Past

One of the most basic reasons why people feel scared of relationships is because they are still haunted by some events in their past. It is hard to come back to the way they used to be.

When people have a new relationship, they are fully aware of how they have been influenced by their past. The ways they were hurt in the past relationship have a strong impact on how they perceive and act in the upcoming ones. Even the slightest trigger could tick them off and bring them back into the state of depression or fear in the past. Negative, old relationships might make people wary of opening themselves up to a new person. They might steer from intimacy as it can stir up the old feelings of loss, anger, hurt and rejection.

If this is also your reasons of scared of relationships, in order to fix this problem, it is better to make peace with your past. It is what you need to do if you want to move on with your life and be with the one who will love you more than what you can imagine.

3. Feelings Of Being Unlovable

Feeling scared of relationships? It may result from the fear of being challenged the identity. Many people struggle with the underlying feelings of being unlovable. They believe that no one can really care for them. They have an inner voice which is critical, acting like a cruel coach inside their heads telling them that they are worthless and not deserving of happiness. Maybe, this coach is formed from painful childhood experiences or critical attitudes that they are exposed to in life, etc.

These inner voices or critical thoughts are usually unpleasant and harmful, but they are comfortable in their regularity and familiarity. When a certain person sees us differently from our views or voices, appreciating and love us, we might start to feel defensive and uncomfortable because it challenges those long-term points of our identification.

4. Real Joy Comes With Real Pain

In regard to falling in love, people might be hesitant to go “all in” for the fear of the sadness stirring up inside them. Any time they fully experience the real joy, they may also process their mind of expecting the potential a similar amount of sadness. Many of them shy away from the things that make them feel happiest as such things also make them feel painful.

MORE: 8 signs you are in a forced relationship

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